Took down our Rebel flag and peeled the NRA sticker
off the front door. We've disconnected our home alarm
system and quit our candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.

Bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in
the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of
ISIS in the center.

Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland
Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching
the house 24/7.

I've never felt safer and we're saving $49.95 a month!
Finally some return on our tax dollars!